Your baby was born a few months ago. Life took a completely different turn and in fact, it was a lot… There were ups and downs… Easier and slightly more difficult moments… There were tummy aches, problems with poop, sleep regressions and painful teething, during which your baby almost did not leave your arms…
But… you survived it! And you already saw a silver lining, when suddenly… your baby learned to move around and discovered that while independence is nice, the situation in which the parent disappears from sight is not.
WHEN AND WHY DOES SEPARATION ANXIETY OCCUR?
Most often, separation anxiety appears between 7th and 12th month of life. It manifests itself as soon as you disappear from your baby’s sight. Then, the baby lets you know, in a more or less expressive way, that he or she doesn’t like this situation at all. (My son is currently on the more expressive side… 🙈😉).
WHERE DOES SUCH ANXIETY COME FROM?
The simplest explanation is that at this stage of development, the baby doesn’t yet comprehend that you disappear only for a moment. For them, your temporary disappearance is equivalent to never seeing you again…
Quite a terrifying thought, isn’t it?
That’s why, during the period of separation anxiety, the baby might not want to be even an inch away from you. It’s a difficult time during which even a moment of solitude in the restroom may be a luxury.
Luckily, understanding object permanence, i.e. the moment when your baby comprehends that something still exists even if they can’t see it, is the time when this anxiety begins to go away.
HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?
If, like me, you have a nine-month-old, the prospect is admittedly not that great, but the most important thing is that there is something to look forward to at all. Separation anxiety usually disappears between the age of 2 and 3.
In our case, it’s separation anxiety plus needing mommy at all times. Everything is okay when mom is close… Very close… 🙈
SEPARATION ANXIETY – WHAT TO DO?
– First of all, enjoy it (I know, I know… sometimes it’s like smiling through your tears). – Separation anxiety is a natural stage of emotional development.
– Try to see the world from your child’s perspective. – After all, if you were convinced that the person closest to you is disappearing forever, wouldn’t you react the same way?
– Don’t add insult to injury. – If your baby is at the stage of severe separation anxiety, maybe it’s not the best time to wean off the pacifier? Or move the baby to a different crib or room?
– When you take something away, give something else in return. – For example, if you are planning to return to work and send your baby to the nursery (and you know that separation is inevitable), maybe give them some object of attachment which will make them feel safe.
– Take your baby seriously. – Sometimes, we think that sneaking out quietly or tricking the baby in some way is a good solution to avoid crying. But, if we want to foster a sense of security and mutual trust in the baby, this is not the best idea. Instead, as much as possible, respond to your baby’s needs and stay close (maybe it’s time to reintroduce the sling? ;)).
– Support through playtime. – You can help your baby understand object permanence by playing peek-a-boo or hiding a favorite toy under a cloth diaper and giving them a chance to find it.
– And most importantly, remember that it is not your fault – You did not spoil your baby. He or she is not manipulating you in any way. Your baby is genuinely scared and you have every right to feel overwhelmed by the situation.
Why does separation anxiety appear just right after the baby starts to move around?
It’s simple! Most often, when the baby masters the position on all fours, he or she becomes very curious about the world and eager to explore the nooks and crannies of our home. This is all very exciting but… only until he or she figures out that they’ve wandered so far that mom is now out of sight…
In their mind – for good.
I am curious how it is for you. In our case, separation anxiety is currently very strongly expressed. In addition, my son turned on a complete mom-is-needed-at-all-times mode (I will talk some more about it soon). He is experiencing all of that much more strongly than his siblings did. I take comfort in the fact that it really goes away at some point.
So if your baby is at a similar stage, I feel you.
In hindsight, those times will be a fond memory one day.
Recently, I looked at my oldest son (currently 12 years old) and… I realized that there was once that last time when I took him in my arms and fed him. When he was a baby, I used to struggle with breastfeeding. I thought this hard time would never end, but it passed faster than I expected and now… I miss it. 😭
For great ideas for spending time and playing with your baby, check out my E-book:
