As you might know, my husband and I have five children. Each of them is a great joy for us, but there is no denying that they are also a great challenge. And, every single time, this “challenge” is completely unique. 😊
Before we became parents, we thought it would all be a little easier… But each child taught us something different – being more open, accepting, respectful and that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to recognize them and try to change – little by little, one step at the time…
Each of our children made us realize that there are no ready-made solutions… That not everything is a matter of good organization… That one day you can cry from feeling helpless, and the next you might feel like a champion in parenting.
Why am I talking about it?
Because, in a moment, I will tell you how we prepared our kids for the arrival of a new sibling.
But keep in mind – these are our solutions. Things may look completely different in your case. Something else may work even better. We had to learn all this from scratch each time and, along the way, we made certain modifications that, in hindsight, turned out to be relevant.
Either way, I encourage you to watch your child carefully. I’m convinced that you’ll discover what’s really important to them, so that all these preparations will be a lot of fun for you!
HOW TO PREPARE A CHILD FOR THE ARRIVAL OF A SIBLING – 10 THINGS THAT WORKED FOR US.
1. BOOKS AND CONVERSATIONS
I love books because they have come to our rescue so many times. Thanks to them, we have been able to get out of some difficult parenting dilemmas. 😊 That’s why, I can’t imagine starting from any other point.
Of course, it may be different in your case, but for us, reading books was always helpful in initiating interesting conversations through which we learned to listen to our children and then tried to explain to them the things they were curious about.
And although the time of waiting for a new baby is always special in some way, we tried our best to treat it as a natural turn of events – not as something that will overshadow everything else.
2. PHONE APP, LOOKING AT THE ULTRASOUND PICTURES
When I was pregnant, I used a pregnancy app. The weeks went by so fast that I wanted to keep track of it somehow.
Every week, we would check on a three-dimensional visualization how the baby was growing and changing. Brief descriptions helped us imagine what size he was at the time and what he could be doing in my belly.
My son loved to compare the size of the baby to the size of different fruit. 🙂
He also really liked to look at photos – those from the ultrasound, but also those in which he himself was a little baby. Then we talked about how it was – how we took care of him, what bathing or feeding was like, whether he liked traveling in our car…
He loved listening to those stories.
3. TOUCHING, TALKING TO THE BELLY, LISTENING TO SOUNDS, PLAYING WITH LIGHT
We really enjoyed touching and talking to the belly. The stethoscope was a hit because the children could listen to what was happening with their brother. And when, around the 34th week of pregnancy, we discovered that he reacted really strongly to the flashlight, the older ones were eager to play with it and had incredible fun when they got a response to the light signal they sent!
4. SHOPPING TOGETHER FOR THE NEW BABY
My daughters were on cloud nine. But my sons were also very much into it. And although I’m not really fond of going shopping with children, this time we made an exception. We created a list of things we needed and chose one store to go to. The girls picked out some clothes for their brother, and my son decided on a pacifier.
5. PREPARING MEALS FOR SOME EMERGENCY SITUATIONS
Preparing meals and putting them in the freezer for an “emergency” may not be directly related to getting ready for the new baby’s arrival but… it can make life significantly easier when we bring our little one home.
Personally, it saved my day more than once, when my newborn didn’t want to be put down and the rest of my children also needed my attention.
6. SOMETHING FOR THE TIME MOM HAS TO STAY IN THE HOSPITAL
When I gave birth to my third child, Anielka, I ended up staying in the hospital with her three weeks after giving birth. Completely out of the blue. Lili, who was 2.5 years old at the time, really struggled with this. It was probably the most difficult moment of my motherhood.
Since then, I have been very careful to make sure that my children don’t feel my absence too much. I mean… they always feel it to some extent, but I try to do something to make them know I’m thinking about them.
That’s why, every day when I was in the hospital after giving birth to my youngest son, I would video-chat my family. I would show the kids their new sibling and they would share how their day was going.
Also, giving them a task to do while I was away turned out to be a cool idea. They were to decorate the house for our arrival. It was a great opportunity to spend really valuable time with dad as well. 😊
7. A GIFT
Every time we come home with a new baby, the older ones get some small gift from the newest member of our family. 😊 This makes them feel appreciated too. To this day, the older kids recall the gifts they received when a younger sibling came into the world!
8. PARTICIPATING IN NURSING
A wonderful thing (though sometimes quite terrifying) is letting the older child participate in taking care of the newborn. Of course, everything within the limits of common sense. 😊 I wouldn’t trust a 2.5 year old to carry or bathe his baby brother, but as an example, delivering diapers by my son who, at the time, was fascinated by delivery trucks was a hit in our house!
9. MAKING THE CHILD FEEL LOVED
It was quite difficult logistically because, in the first weeks after birth, each of my children exceptionally demanded affection, but knowing in the back of my mind that this is a really significant matter, I tried to do as much as I could to make the older ones feel that they are equally important to me.
In theory, something pretty easy… After all, it’s clear that I haven’t stopped loving them! Only… how to show it to them?
It turns out that each of my children has a slightly different love language.
The eldest son loves touch. For my daughters – spending valuable time together is the expression of my love. For my fourth child, Tadzio – it’s all about conversation, appreciation and noticing his efforts.
That’s why, I tried to seize opportunities to give them what they needed and what was important to them.
Of course, that didn’t always work. Sometimes, I was simply too exhausted, but the very awareness of this was really helpful.
I also had to remember about recharging my own batteries and focusing on my relationship with my husband. 😉 It was difficult, but we survived. 😉
10. TALKING TO OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS
Finally, something I consider to be extremely important.
When I had my second child, my son was 2.5 years old. He was a wonderful boy and welcomed his little sister home very positively. Although I spent a lot of time with my daughter Lili, he handled it bravely. He was very fond of stroking her head, accompanied her during bathing, showed her his toy car collection and told her about the adventures of his favorite car…
One day, we had guests – our good friends who had also welcomed their second child into the world a few months earlier.
I was so delighted when… while giving Lili a small gift, they also had something for my son.
It was amazing to me. A small gesture, and I saw how my son felt cared for as well.
I’m talking about this because it’s natural that when a new child comes into the world, much of everyone’s attention is focused on them. But it’s good to look at it from the perspective of an older child too.
Later on, I told my parents and other people who planned to visit us not to admire only the newborn, but to give their attention to my son as well. And this really paid off. They’ve made sure to do so every time they would visit, and I think it has largely helped us avoid jealousy and frustration.
I think it’s worth keeping in mind. 😊
Looking back, I think that for us, the preparations for a new family member went rather smoothly and were quite pleasant. Will it be the same for you? I don’t know, but that is what I wish you with all my heart!
Or maybe such preparations are already behind you? If so, please share your experiences!
The content herein is for informational purposes only and will not replace a visit to a physiotherapist or other specialist. If in doubt, please consult with a professional who can examine your baby in person. For the sake of your baby, I do not provide online advice.
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